The hardest goodbyes
by lil-aber-lisa
Summary: When Will is given days to live he knows these goodbyes will be the hardest, therefore he begins to write letters to them all
1. Chapter 1

**The hardest goodbyes – Chapter 1 **

Will's eyes fluttered open as his blurred vision began to subside and return to normal, his heavy panting slowed as his fear began to fade and his brain recognised his whereabouts "I am Will Horton, I am in the hospital, I have a brain tumour and I have days to live" Will whispered repetitively to himself like a mantra.

Will wriggles himself in an upright position reaches for his pen and journal, he knew he didn't have much time and he needed to write these.

_Dear Arianna Grace, _

_My precious darling, hopefully one day when you are older you will understand that I never meant to leave you… Twice! _

_I am sorry that I will never get to see you grow up become the beautiful kind woman I know that you will be. To tuck you in at night and scare all the monsters from under your bed aware, to go to the zoo and play jokes with the monkeys and make faces with them. Your mommy and daddy Sonny will be there for all those moments and I promise I have made them promise me they will._

_Your Gammy Sammy and Grandma Kate fiercely adore you and will I am sure spoil you rotten, baby girl you deserve the world several times over and believe me I wish I would be a part of that, don't ever think this is anything you have done, the universe is not in my corner right now, but I am sure it will be different with you._

_I want you to do every activity you can, nose dive into hobbies and passion and live a glorious life my sweet one, though please don't discover boys too soon…_

Will began to cough heavily as pain shot his temple causing him to lose grip on his pain, the pain seared and he hissed and rambled "NO, no, no not yet, not yet, not like this, not before … not before I finish.

He was unsure how much time had passed but the pain began to subside and he began to fall asleep with his journal wide open with pages marked for each of the people he knew he needed to tell them something before he left this world.

Arianna, Gabi, his mom and dad, Marlena and then his dear Sonny…

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

**The hardest goodbyes – Chapter 2 **

The heart monitor beeped violently, and the nurses rushed to the bedside. Will's body convulsed and writhed on the bed knocking the journal to the floor.

"Anti-convulsion meds stat" shouted one nurse

"Quick tilt his head, he is swallowing his tongue" shouted another

All the while William hovered in a smoky white room, feeling his life drain away from him, he felt calm and somewhat peaceful, yet he felt unfinished, his mind began to focus on his family and started to draw him back.

His eyes flickered open to see several nurses around all sigh with relief "Page Dr Evans and Dr Johnson, we got him back, hey there William, my you gave us a scare."

"s…ooo…rrrryyy?" Will said both questioning and as a statement. A nurse picked his journal up and placed it to the side of him as he could hear a commotion outside him room, the door swings open and Sonny who is breathless is standing there.

"Oh god, Will, you, you…" Sonny stumbles forward and encases Will with his arms

"I know, I know darling, love you too" Will whispers in response, shakily gripping as tight as he could muster against Sonny.

"How you doing now, do you need anything?"

"wat…water please." Will asked

Sonny turned and found a plastic cup and the jug and poured him some and held Will's head as he took gentle sips before being laid back. Sonny now perched on the edge of the bed held his hand and Will lent his head against him, he felt safe as his eyes heavily drooped and he dozed back off.

Swirls of colour and sounds swept Will's consciousness and he enjoyed the comfort until he felt a nuzzling to the point of being rocked back and forth, his eyes open and he is back in the hospital room and Arianna is sitting patiently on the bed

"Hey princess."

"Daddy" Ari squeals and with spread arms plops against Will. Will looks around for Sonny and sees the door is ajar and he is talking with nurses.

"How long you been here"

"Ages, you wouldn't wake up and daddy told me not to wake you, but I wanted see you, sorry"

Will hugs her more "don't be, I want to see you too, love you."

"Love you too daddy."

Ari looked to his bedside and saw the journal "Can I draw in that?"

Will saw his journal and reached across and took it and a pen.

"Well my sweet this is a special book and holds lots of things in here. But perhaps you could make a special picture in there for me."

She smiled and nodded "Yay, I draw you me mommy and daddy with errr a dog, a big house and swings"

"That sounds perfect."

Will opened the journal and it landed on the page he had started the letter to Gabi

_"Dear Gabi, _

_My dear friend, my family, I love you whole heartedly and I sincerely wish I wasn't leaving you with so much to comprehend whilst you are dealing with your own trouble, I didn't want to put more onto your plate."_

Will flipped the page and handed it to Ari to allow her to draw carefully with his pen. He watched her intently as she drew, her tongue poking out to the side of her mouth as she concentrated on the drawing, a trait that Sonny made fun of Will for having when he concentrated too hard on a piece for the Spectator.

Will kept one hand on Ari tethering him to his surroundings and the other occasionally held against his head or gripped the bedsheets, the pain was starting to come in waves and he really didn't want to worry Ari.

Eventually Ari finished and held the book to Will and he smiled and a tear began to fall, because this picture to him now would be the only chance to see this future, his life so close to the brink and he had so much to say and do.

"Hey sweetie, come on we need to let your daddy get some rest." Sonny chimed as he had re-entered the room

Will could barely bring a smile to his face, but Ari kissed his cheek and jumped off the bed and ran to collect her things.

Sonny came to the edge and whispered" How bad Will, scale 1-10?"

"I've lost count, Sonny I'm scared" tears started to flow more freely, and he gripped Sonny's arms. Sonny held him tightly

"I know my love, I am trying to be strong for the both of us, but you know inside this is killing me so much, I don't want to lose you, I can't lose you."

William pulled back slightly and was the one now wiping away Sonny's tears "Ari is waiting for you, I adore you." And Will took hold of Sonny's chin and brought him close and gently landed his lips on Sonny for a chaste and loving kiss. When they parted Sonny reciprocated with a second kiss and held his hands in Will's hair, holding onto every moment, every touch, as if they were his last.

As Sonny left Will brushed away the last remaining tears on his face and grabbed his journal. He needed to write

_"where was I? Oh right as you may have seen you are now the proud owner of a one of a kind artwork by Miss Arianna Grace, she sat with me in the hospital and it made me think of all the times we have been in this hospital, right back when I took you to your prom, can you remember that._

_Your appendix scuppered our plans and so I made a prom happen in the hospital, you in that yellow dress, and I even had a matching tie. Simpler times, right? Well may be, anyway I look around the hospital room and remember all we have lost here and gained, and I am sorry that I am about to become another one of those statistics._

_I want and wish you all the success in the world, Gabi Chic is definitely going to rule and you as an owner, I am so proud, you know that right, not just in the business world but as Ari's mom, I am blessed to know that she will be safe with you and Sonny when I am gone._

_Please forgive me for everything _

_Yours _

_Will."_

Will closed the journal and placed the pen down, 2 letters down 3 to go, he was unsure if he was going to be able to complete them all before his time, either way he was going to try

He opened a new page and began to write and speak aloud at the same time

_"Dear Mom and Dad_

_How do I begin, where do I begin?"_

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

**The hardest goodbyes – Chapter 3 **

"_Dear Mom and Dad…_

_How do I begin, where do I begin?_"

William paused for a second before furiously scribbling a message to his parents.

"_Please forgive me for writing this letter as one and not separate to each of you, it's becoming harder to concentrate and focus and perhaps a slight ulterior motive so you both have to be in the same room to read it. Be nice to think of my parents together one last time. I don't expect miracles and you two to be back together, goodness have I seen that scenario play out multiple times."_

William chuckled to himself thinking back to all the times he tried to get his parents back together or in the same room without killing one another, surely in his death they had to achieve this.

Will's chuckle became a cough and with the cough came pain in his chest and his head and thus led to him dropping the journal and pen to the floor and he began to seize once more, the lights becoming black to him and losing all sense of where he was and what was happening, the last thought he had was this was it.

Again the alarms sounding on his monitors and the nurses raced to his room, the ping of the elevator came as Sonny came through with his morning coffee and routine with Will for the day, his eyes watching in slow motion the nurses and the alarm sounds, the coffee slips from his hand as quickly as the colour from his face, he is transfixed in where he stands.

A moment later he is racing to the room and sees the paddles and the nurses furiously working on Will, how much worse could this get Sonny thought, and eventually he hears a gasp and eyes fluttering open and Will is back again, but for how long?

Sonny shuffles into the room and sees the journal and pen on the floor, he picks them up and places them on the side, his hand carefully interlaces with Wills and he feels a squeeze and there are those blue eyes staring at him, like a scared child needing reassurance.

Sonny perches on the edge of the bed and with his other hand strokes Will's forehead and caresses his cheek "I'm here darling, I'm here, you're okay."

"But for how long?" Will whispers and Sonny leans and kisses him gently.

The nurses disperse after explaining to Sonny that a doctor would be by soon to discuss further options.

"What options are there, I am dying?"

"Will I am so sorry we still haven't found the journal or the formula to try and make an antidote"

"Will you hold me?"

Sonny cautiously slips his shoes off and takes his position next to Will on the bed carefully slipping his arm around the back of Will who curled into him, Will feeling calm and safe as he is in his husbands arms… ohhh boyfriend's arms he thought.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They both dozed for a while, Sonny woke first realising that his arm had gone numb and very limp, he tried to move it without success. He nudged Will who remained asleep, Sonny nudged him once more with a bit more force and there was still no response. Sonny couldn't see if Will was breathing or not, his chest wasn't rising.

OH GOD! Sonny thought, he placed two fingers against Will's jugular vein and felt a soft rhythmic pulsing and he let out the breath that he was holding inside. Instead he uses the hand to cup Wills head and raise it to release his arm and to relieve the now pins and needles he feels coursing his arm as the blood returns.

He lays Wills head back down and creeps off the bed. As he stands there is a faint whisper behind him

"Where are you going?

Sonny turns and sees Will staring at him

"My arm went dead … errr numb so I needed to wake it up but you weren't waking up… I thought…"

"You thought I was dead… I could hear you but my eyes didn't want to open" Will coughed

"Water?" Sonny asked

"Yes please." Will thought for a moment and spoke "Can I ask a favour?"

"Anything" Sonny responded.

"I was writing a letter to my parents in case I … errr for when I don't make it… it was what I was doing before I crashed. Could you help me finish it?"

Sonny came closer with the cup and straw with water and allowed Will to take several gulps before placing that on the side and picking the journal and pen and opening it to the last page catching glimpses of several previous pages the first being Arianna.

He fiercely tried to hold back the tears and took his position in the chair next to the bed and read aloud the last sentence of Will's letter

"Be nice to think of my parents together one last time. I don't expect miracles and you two to be back together, goodness have I seen that scenario play out multiple times."

Will smiles "I put a snake in their tent this one-time" Sonny's eyebrow raised and saw a glint of mischievousness echo throw Will's eyes as he relieved the memory

"So I know where Ari gets it from" Sonny chuckled

"Don't forget who her mother is, she has her fair share of mischievous deeds as well"

"There is no hope for Ari"

"She has you"

"She has us Will"

Will silently nodded before saying "so say in the note, that time I put the snake in the tent…"

They spent some time with Will dictating and Sonny scribing the letter for him, going over each paragraph to make sure it was how he wanted it.

"I will love you forever, thank you for keeping the tigers away this long… Will"

Tears roll down his face as he can't hold them back any more. Sonny closes the journal and comforts Will "I know, shhhhhh, I love you, they will be here soon."

"There is another letter I need you to help me with."

"Sure, but I think you need a break for a little bit, close your eyes, I will wake you, I promise" Sonny said hiding his own tears.

"Start it with dear grandma okay…" 

To be continued


End file.
